June 7, 2012 § 2 Comments
I am finished.
Last night I edited my last word on my Young Adult novel, ‘The Heart is an Oasis’.
The sound of the final keystroke fell into silence and I paused, as if waiting for a sparkle of fairy dust to lift me with elation or a shout of jubilation to rise to my lips. Instead there was stillness. Years of scribbling in office lunch hours or while pushing my toddler on a swing. Years of inspiration and ‘what the #@!? am I doing’ despondency…all for this? While we writers wrote, alone cramming in what words we could, others sipped chardonnay with friends or watched the latest movies, shopped, strolled, partied…and slept. We riveted ourselves to the keyboard and screen, driving ourselves as if to prove we exist, like we don’t unless there are words, words, words…words to parade, to exhibit, to express the deep inner workings of our souls, our minds, ourselves. We are what we write.
I waited in silence, clouds scudding in a south-west wind tossing the leaves of tree ferns against the sky and the roaring rustle of needled leaves high in the pine…waiting. For what? Some inner satisfaction, a glow of triumph? The bulb burned its way into the night and murmurs from my sleeping boy reached across the hall. Waiting…he is what I’m waiting for. And for you. All of you. Waiting for validation, vindication, reparation. Waiting to know if those many hours are collated into a wondrous whole, a world in which I can touch your lives as others once touched mine. I have a story to tell.
Today I printed it.
I am made anew…albeit overtired and anxious that I have not built a veritable castle out of a sand hill. Time will inform…or rather the critical eyes of my readers. To whit I now go to hand my fragile creation to a handful of trusted reviewers.
Wish me well.